‘Planning to move abroad but need parents’ financial help. How do I initiate money talk?’
“My parents are difficult to convince when it comes to money and most of the arguments in our house happen because of finances,” asks a stressed adult
Hi Haya,
I’m planning to move abroad but currently short on funds. I’m making the decision to move abroad because I’ve found a job, but the cost of moving to a new country and finding a place to live in is making me nervous, as I only have a certain amount to get by for a few days, while the salary from the new job will only get credited after a month into starting work, which won’t be enough at the end of the day.
It’s a weird situation for me where I’ve found a job and am desperate to get out of the country, but the worry of finances has been too overwhelming. Although I can work around this situation if I seek help from my parents, I’m too nervous to do that. My father can easily spare some funds, but I don’t know how to gather the courage to ask him to lend me some money. He’s always insisted on me, as his son, to be completely independent and work things out on my own.
My parents are difficult to convince when it comes to money and most of the arguments in our house happen because of finances. Please advise how do I initiate the money talk with my father, so that we don’t end up getting involved in a heated argument?
— A stressed adult
Dear stressed adult,
First off, congratulations on securing a job abroad! That’s a significant milestone and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed when facing such a big move, especially with financial concerns weighing on you.
I see your situation in two ways.
1. Trying to figure out everything by yourself and drowning yourself in worry, stress and overwhelm.
2. Seeking support from your father.
I see both choices being hard with the second one requiring more courage. You want to seek support from your father and speak to him about it, but you’re struggling with how to have the conversation. Let’s get right into it.
The conversation you have with your father needs to be structured, transparent and with a clear plan.
This is how you could approach it:
First and foremost, choose a time when your father is likely to be relaxed and open to conversation.
Initiate the conversation with empathy and transparency, by letting your father know as you move on to the next stage of your life, how much you value the independence he has encouraged in you and the principals he’s instilled in you and how much it has made you into the person you are today. This will aid you in setting a respectful tone and help reducing defensiveness.
Next, explain your current circumstances, highlighting that you’ve managed to take care of most things but are facing a financial shortfall (you may share in which area you are facing the shortfall). Share that this gap exists because you won’t receive your first month’s salary until after completing your first month of work.
Let him know you need his financial support initially and if he could lend you a specific amount of money which you would pay him back in a certain period of time. Present it as temporary support and not dependence. Let him know this would give you the foundation to settle in, stay on track and be self-reliant. Let him know when you would return him the amount by.
As you close the conversation and wait for his response, be open to suggestions or compromises. Instead of framing it as a demand, make it a collaborative discussion. This could make your father feel more involved and less pressured. For example: “I’d love to hear what you think on this and how we can figure this out.”
Have a backup plan ready — If your father expresses concerns, be prepared with alternative solutions. Mention that you’ve been trying to figure out other options, like taking a small loan from a bank, or seeking support from a friend and seeing how you can further cut back. This shows you’re not relying solely on him but seeking his support because you value his help and trust.
As you close the conversation, reinforce the bigger picture — where this is an investment towards his future and his support would really mean the world to you and his support in the past has brought you where you are today (if it has) and thank him for that in the way that feels best to you.
Lastly, remember to stay calm and composed. If he initially reacts negatively, give him time to process. His resistance may stem from his own concerns, not a lack of faith in you.
I want you to know you’re taking bold steps which require a lot of courage, and this will be something that will aid you in unleashing your potential further. Good luck!
— Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions to [email protected]
Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend our readers consult relevant experts or professionals for personalised advice and solutions. The author and Geo.tv do not assume any responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided herein. All published pieces are subject to editing to enhance grammar and clarity.
